


How Could I Ever Forget You

by Immortalnite



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Amnesia, Car Accidents, M/M, Memory Loss, Sadstuck, im not crying youre crying, well youre not now but youre gonna be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-01 23:16:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6540604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Immortalnite/pseuds/Immortalnite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was easy to forget, sometimes, that the world wasn't all always happy. That people seemed to have it out for you at times, that even the universe kinda hated you. Maybe it was just some monumental lapse of judgement that had let you foolishly think you'd be allowed any sort of happiness. At any rate, the universe had definitely set out to destroy that happiness. Starting with a car to Jake English's torso.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Could I Ever Forget You

The plane ride back from California was just as it was every time you flew. Long, annoying, boring and painful. Long, because it was a nine hour trip back to Florida, where you lived with Roxy, Jane and Jake. Annoying, because there was always that _one guy_ who fucking snored while he napped. Boring, because, as you had found out from experience, if you pulled out your laptop to do some coding or tried to tinker with some spare gears, you'd get tackled by the stewards because the muggles couldn't tell the difference between bombs and clocks. Painful, because it was a trip back from California. Back from your brother.

Your brother was great, everything you'd ever aspired to be as a kid. He was well known, never short on dates, rich, influential and a popular billboard feature. Even 2,000+ miles away from Hollywood, you'd still get people asking "Strider? Like Dave Strider?" However, as you'd gotten older, you'd looked at other, normal families and your glamorous brother started to loose his shine. Days as a kid getting left over prop swords from all the top action movies bled into nights as a teenager spent crying in your room, wishing for a comforting hand that was never there.

When the plane landed and you got out to the main sprawl, only your orange carry-on in hand, you were almost immediately tackled by two excited masses of girl. Jane, smelling of cookies and cake as always, was the first to let go, while you had to practically drag Roxy down the hall. Jake wasn't there, but that wasn't surprising. Usually, the four of you visited relatives at the same time, which for you and Jake, meant flying out to the other side of the country. Your Bro in Hollywood, his Grandma in Hawaii, Jane's step brother in Greece with his shouty boyfriend, it was all a lot of flying for you guys. Of course, Roxy's step sister and step sister in law actually lived close by, so she was nearly always home.

They dragged you, not unwillingly, out to the car lot and shoved you in for the drive back to the large house you shared. It was really nice to be home.

********

"So how was ittt?" Roxy looked up at you from where her head was resting on your stomach, her words slightly slurred. You rubbed your eyes, shades long since abandoned on the kitchen table and made grabby hands at the bottle dangling loosely from her grasp. She relinquished it to you and you took a long drink, scrunching your nose at the burn before answering. 

“Shitty.” You passed the bottled to Jane, who's stomach you had your head on. “As always, he only calls when he needs an extra in a photoset. I don't know why I even go anymore. It's not like I'm going to show up one time and suddenly he'll wanna talk about you guys or ask me what my favourite colour is.” You shrugged and Roxy grabbed your hand. 

“Well, at least you're still trying. That counts for something, I suppose. And you have us!” Roxy put your hand over her face and giggled. “Me and Janey and Jakey and Rose and Kanay-nay.” You smiled at her and Jane grabbed your other hand. That was all true. These dorks had been you friends since the awful time that was high school, and they were more or less your family. And you were theirs, too. 

Roxy's parents had been an alcoholic and an addict, Jane's mom dead and her dad a busy, if supportive, single father. Jake's parents had been killed in the middle east when he was a baby and his grandparents were just a little too old to fully cope with the energetic mess that was Jake English. High school had been a nightmare, but less so with them. Freshman year was when you figured out that you didn't really like boobs all that much, which didn't sit well with the pompous assholes who only hung around you for your name. You were never outright bullied, persay, since you could have kicked even the biggest quarterback's ass in no time flat, but people definitely did their best to make you feel unwanted. Until Roxy came in to your first period class and sat down next to you, reached out to feel your hair and asked what conditioner you used. 

Jane tapped your forehead and you looked up at her. She jerked her chin at Roxy and waved the bottle of whatever drink had been chosen to celebrate your return. You nodded and sat up slightly so she could get up and return the bottle to the cabinet and lock it. With all four keys. You all had a key to the liquor cabinet and it wouldn't open unless all four of you decided to take some out and opened it together. It made guests a little nervous, to see a quadruple locked cabinet in your kitchen, but it was absolutely worth the wariness of strangers. Roxy had an addictive personality from her parents and always drunk the most, you got suicidal sometimes, and Jake was just a dangerous drunk (he got out his pistols and shot things that weren't targets). So the four lock system kept everyone from drinking alone.

Jane tapped her came back with a glass of water that she handed to Roxy and sighed. “I'm going to turn in, guys.” She said softly, leaning down to kiss both of your foreheads. Roxy mumbled something and you nodded, smiling as you watched her turn down the hallway to go to her room. 

“Damn, I love her.” Roxy stretched and turned onto her side, curling up slightly with her head still on your gut. 

“I know.” You were never quite sure if you were really meant to hear all of Roxy's drunk ramblings at times like this. It wasn't until Roxy stared to shake and you felt wet spots appear on your shirt that you actually looked at her. You sat up, pulling her into a hug. 

“Hey, hey, Rox. What's wrong?” When she shook her head and refused to answer, you knew something was really not right. Crying over Jane would be nothing new, and she'd always ramble on about Jane if that were the case. But you also knew she'd never say anything she didn't want to and there was no point in pushing her. 

“It's Jake, ask me about Jake.” She mumbled. You looked down, nodding and she seemed to take that as the answer she'd been looking for. Resting her head on her shoulder, she went right back to sleep. You leant your cheek on the top of her head and sighed. You'd have to ask her in the morning. Well. You'd have to ask Jane in the morning. Roxy would probably be out of it. 

********

“Good morning!” 

The smell of eggs and bagels woke you up at 10 am the next morning. Blearily blinking, you turned to give Jane a tired smile, gently prying Roxy off your waist, and shuffled into the kitchen. Jane already had two glasses of water set out for you and Rox, and painkillers for her. Fortunately, you hadn't drunk enough for a hangover. You picked up Roxy's glass and pills and brought them over to her, waking her up gently to hand them to her. She, as always, groaned and tried to hide her face in the mattress. 

And then jumped right up like she wasn't totally hungover when Jane announced that breakfast was ready. You'd never understand Roxy Lalonde. 

The three of you piled onto the bar stool with your plates. Jane, more often than not, did all the cooking for the house and as you took a bite of the eggs, you were reminded exactly why. 

“Holy fuck, I missed your food. Like seriously, those five star Hollywood resturants are overpriced and have nothing on you. You should just take them all over. All of them.” You grinned. 

Janey rolled her eyes. “Well, thank you, Dirk, but I hope that's not the only reason you missed me.”

“Awww, of course not.” Once your plate was clean and put away in the dishwasher, you turned back to the two girls. “So last night, Rox, you told me to ask you about Jake?”

You weren't an idiot, but you certainly didn't have to be a genius to see the way they stiffened. Jane glanced at Roxy and she shrugged back. “I don't remember saying that.”

Jane took in a deep breath. “Ok. Well, we were going to have to do this today anyway. Let's go sit on the couch.”

An uneasy knot started to form in your stomach. Couch discussions were rarely good. They were only called for if the news was important enough that they thought you might drop something when you heard it. 

You followed them, your body slightly numb, to the living room and took your place next to Roxy, across from Jane.

“Alright, here's the thing. You're always stressed when you get back from Cali, so we didn't want to tell you until we had to.” Jane started. “But Jake got back from his Grandma's about two weeks ago.”

You frowned. But he hadn't been at the airport? That was odd. Of course, he must have come by the house at some point, because they wouldn't have been able to get into the liquor cabinet without his key. Why hadn't you seen him yet?

Jane looked at Roxy and took a deep breath. “I can't.”

At some point you'd started to chew on your lip. Can't _what?_

Roxy nodded. “Dirk, Jake got in a car accident on his way home. He's in the hospital.”

You took in a breath that sounded weak, and you were sure you'd bitten your lip. There was a harsh metallic tang in you mouth as you looked up at Roxy. “Is he going to be alright?”

“He's coming home today.” 

Your shoulders relaxed just a bit, but there was an unspoken “but” lingering at the end of her words.

“Dirk, oh my god Dirk, I'm so sorry.” Roxy suddenly hugged you again. “Kanaya said he took a hard blow to the head. He's got amnesia. He doesn't remember us.”

The world fell silent except for a buzzing in your ears. He... what? No. No. No. That wasn't the Jake you knew. That wasn't the Jake you loved. Jake didn't get hurt. Not like that. He did dumb things, got scraped up, and was back at it again within a week. He had endless scars from all of his impulsive escapades, but only skin wounds. Jake didn't get amnesia. 

“When can we pick him up?” You demanded, shooting to your feet. 

“Now, but-”

“Let's go then.” You grabbed your shades off the coffee table and walked to the door, your long strides making it impossible for the girls to catch you. You got in you car, a simple black sedan and waited for Roxy to get in shotgun and Jane in the back seat. 

The ride to the hospital was absolutely silent. When you got there, the receptionist only had to look at Jane and Roxy to figure out why you were there. 

“Please wait here, I'll have him sent out.”

Roxy and Jane took seats by the door in the waiting room, but you couldn't stop pacing. Your mind was racing, calling up every last fact you knew about amnesia. It could be permanent, or just temporary. If the memories came back, they might do so in a flash, or bit by bit. If remembered, the person might loose memory of the time spent in the amnesiac state. How to read, write, and other functions were preserved, but people, places and events were forgotten in amnesia patients. Some cases had shown extreme personality changes in the event of frontal lobe damage. 

“Roxy, Janey! I heard you're here to take me back home?” A cheerful British voice called. You spun around, and there was Jake English, looking for all the world just like he did most of the time. His right arm was in a sling and there was a small scratch across his cheekbone. Aside from a few other bruises on his legs, he looked completely fine. 

You grinned and followed Roxy and Jane over to him. "I'll take your bags and shit." You offered. He beamed up at you, a familiar smile of dark freckles and white teeth before bringing your whole world to a crashing halt.

"Thanks, chap! Who are you?"

********

The following week was horrible. Jane got called away by John to go visit him and Karkat in Greece, and Roxy got hauled off by Rose and Kanaya to visit an old “friend of the family”. You could hardly blame them, since they had postponed their own vacation times once Jake's accident happened. But it did leave you to take care of him. 

There were times, you found, where you'd catch him staring at an old photo of the four of you, or he'd call your name, or he'd say something just so _Jake_ that your breath would catch in your throat and you'd think _this is it, this is the time he remembers_ and every time you'd be disappointed. 

Other times, he'd do things that would turn your head in shock, simply because there's no way your Jake would have ever done that. You were watching a big cat documentary, mostly just using it as background noise as you coded, when a small choke of shock came from him. You'd looked up and found him almost as white as you.

”What are they doing?” He'd asked, eyes wide. “They're so close to that tiger, they could get hurt! She might bite them!”

It had taken a lot of willpower to not start crying. 

Saturday morning, you got up before he did. You stumbled into the kitchen blearily, rubbing your eyes and sighing as you opened the fridge door. If Jane was out, you were the next person in line for cooking anyway. Roxy, as you'd all discovered, liked cooking quite a bit, but had an uncanny talent for burning anything and everything, regardless of if it actually required heat or not. 

You pulled the eggs and bacon out, setting the bacon in a pan and letting it heat up on the stove. You spun around on your heel, starting to hum a nameless song and grabbed bread from the fridge to make toast. As the bacon finished cooking, you fished it out of the steadily growing pile of grease with tongs and set it on a plate, covering it up so it wouldn't loose heat. Once the bacon was done, you cracked the eggs into the pan without pouring out the grease. Unhealthy? Probably. But damn, scrambled eggs cooked in bacon grease was the best thing ever.

Just as the eggs had finished and you'd smeared butter across the toast, Jake emerged from his room. It was a weekend, you realised, and had this been under any other circumstances, the thought of Mr. Let's-Get-Up-At-The-Asscrack-Of-Dawn, waking up at one in the afternoon would have been comical. He flashed you a smile and shuffled into the kitchen, taking the plate you passed him happily. You set your plate down on the bar and grabbed your coffee cup before taking a seat. Jake slid his plate onto the bar next to yours and opened one of the cabinets, snagging a mug out of it. You watched as he poured himself a cup of coffee and came to sit back down next to you.

You ate your breakfast together in silence. You, and Jake English, the Tea SnobTM, with his coffee. 

After breakfast, or lunch as some might call it, you went straight back into your room. It might have been the weekend, but you had really slacked off during the week with your coding and needed to catch up. Pros and cons to getting to set your own hours. Also, you didn't know if you could stand being around Jake. He seemed to be more and more different from your Jake by the day. With most trauma-related amnesia cases, the patient never recovered their memories, you'd found out.

It was horrible to think, but perhaps it wouldn't be so hard on you if it had been, say, Jane, who had gotten in the accident. They were all your friends, yes, but it would hurt so much less to have to help her out like this. Telling Jane who the people were in photos behind her wouldn't dredge back up memories of a first sleep-over, of sneaking into windows at midnight or of ducking behind bushes to hide from cops. Memories that only one of you now had. 

There was a knock at your door.

”Dirk?” Jake's voice called. “I have a question.”

You picked your shades up from the table and slipped them on gently. You'd yet to let this new Jake see your eyes. 

”Sure, what is it?” You opened the door and found him holding a photo of your graduating class. 

”Who's this girl?” Jake asked, pointing to someone towards the back of the photo. “She feels important.” 

You leant in a little closer to see better, aware of his eyes watching you. His finger was just below the black shoulder length hair of the Aranea Serket, the gothic librarian look unmistakeable even in such a big class photo. Of course it would be her that “felt important”. Apparently, for all the other changes in this new amnesiac Jake, his type remained the same as ever. Tears started to form and you glanced up quickly, turning so he couldn't look in the side of your glasses and see. 

”Aranea Serket, the yearbook captain.” You answered brusquely. 

Jake looked back down at the photo. “Hmm.”

You gave him a sarcastic half smile and turned to go back into your room, but his hand on your elbow stopped you. “Wait. Dirk.”

You turned back slightly. “Mm?”

”I have another question.” He reached up to touch your cheek, trailing his fingertips across the sensitive skin under your eye. You flinched slightly but let him touch you. “Who am I to you?”

Your gaze shot down to his. “What?”

He shook his head. “The other two, Roxy and Jane, they're upset, but supportive. I can tell they miss whoever I used to be, but they're ok with me now. They're sad, but they accept it.”

The phrase “the other two” rang unpleasantly in your head. 

”But you, you're not like that. Everytime I do something wrong, something the other me from before wouldn't have done, you flinch like it hurts. You've got your glasses off in half our photos together, but now you won't put them down.” Jake grabbed your wrist. “Whatever it was, I meant something different to you than I did to the girls. What was it?”

The way he says everything in past tense, calling your Jake the “other me from before”, it hurts. Not a light sting, not a hard punch. Just a dull ache that starts in your chest and creeps outward, making it hard to breathe. A deep longing of something that might have been and now won't ever be. A chance missed, an opportunity lost. 

”I loved you.” You manage to choke out, ripping your arm from his grasp and fleeing into your room, the door slamming behind you. 

”I loved you.” You whisper again, sliding down the door to sit on the floor with your back against it. 

On the other side, you hear Jake crouch down and rest a hand on the outside of the wood. 

”I'm sorry.” He whispers.

********

\-- timaeusTestified[TT]began pestering tipsyGnostalgic[TG] and gutsyGumshoe[GG] at 14:34 -- 

[TT]: Hey guys. [TT]: How's the trip going?

[TG]: its good  
[TG]: bit of a thrid wheel ovr here tho  
[TG]: *third

[GG]: my trip is great! John and Karkat are really nice and we're taking tours of their favourite spots. i've even gotten to meet Karkat's brother  
[GG]: how're you and Jake? 

[TT]: Jake and I. Yes. We're great.  
[TT]: Independently, we're fantastic. 

[TG]: di-stri....  
[TG]: dont even need to be my sister to tell theres something wrong  
[TG]: whatd u do

[TT]: He asked me why I treat him differently than you two do  
[TT]: And I fucking told him. 

[TG]: oh

[GG]: oh.

[TT]: What do I even do. Just, hey Jake, I know you don't remember me, but I remember you and it stabs me in the chest every time you don't laugh at an inside joke that you've forgotten.  
[TT]: Hey Jake, I know you've known me for all of four days in your perspective, but I love you so much that I'd die for you with a smile on my face.  
[TT]: Like how is he even supposed to react to all this.  
[TT]: I've fucked everything up again.

[GG]: it's going to be fine, dirk. he'll be fine and you'll be fine. 

[TG]: think of it like hes a new person to make friends with and fall in love with??  
[TG]: memories or no hes still jakey right so like hes still gonna act the same yea 

[TT]: I should just make friends with him, I know, but it's a little harder than that.  
[TT]: Because, no Roxy, he doesn't act the same. Not at all.  
[TT]: I love him, but this is like someone else is wearing his face. Tea is gross now, adventures too dangerous. Jake is just gone.  
[TT]: I just.  
[TT]: Fuck.  
[TT]: I wish he'd died. It would have hurt less.  
[TT]: Shit, I'm sorry, I can't right now. I'm so sorry. 

\--  timaeusTestified[TT]  left the chat at 15:02 --

[TG]: DIRK STIRDER DONT YOU DARE  
[TG]: *STRIDER

\-- gutsyGumshoe[GG]  added uraniumUmbra[UU]  to the chat at 15:03 --

[GG]: calli? we need a favour from you, it's important

[UU]: jane? what's wrong?

[TG]: im sry to spring this on ya but tl;dr jakes got amnesia and dirks not taking it well we need you to go over to the house and make sure dirks not gonna do anything dumb to himself hes got a history of depression and bad choices 

[UU]: oh my gosh! i'll head over there right now. jUst to be clear thoUgh, why aren't yoU both at the hoUse too? and what shoUld i do with dirk?

[TG]: thx so much calli just like make him a coffee or something and dont let him sit in his room just for like thirty mins or so until he calms down then u can leave  
[TG]: and were on vacation rn thats y were not at the house 

[UU]: ok i'm almost there now, i'll make sure he's okay.

\-- uraniumUmbra[UU] left the chat at 15:11 --

[TG]: good thinkin janey 

[GG]: thanks. we should probably try to cut our vacations short though.

[TG]: le sigh  
[TG]: ur right 

\--  tipsyGnostalgic[TG]  and  gustyGumshoe[GG] closed the chat at 15:13 --

*********

You threw your glasses across the room as soon as you had signed out of pesterchum and grabbed a handful of your hair. Everything was too much, there were flashing sparks across your field of vision, your head felt like it was full of cotton but at the same time every sound was loud enough to make you jump. Your hands started shaking and the sound of the doorbell made your whole body convulse.

Footsteps in the hallway, a knock on your bedroom door. 

”Dirk, get away from the door, I'm coming in.”

You pressed your palms flat over your ears as you shook, the pillows slightly muffling your shaking breaths as your face pressed into them.

The door banged open and strong, dark hands lifted you up, pulling you against a soft grey shirt that smelled of sweet incense. They pried your hands away from your head, running a gentle finger over nail marks and smoothing down your hair. A soft voice began singing a lullaby in a lilting accent.

Some time later, when your limbs had stopped shaking and your vision had cleared, you realised the person who had come to get you was one of your friends, Calliope. She looked down at you and smiled gently. Standing up, she offered you a hand and pulled you to your feet. You followed her silently into the kitchen, pointedly not making eye contact with Jake, who watched you two pass. 

Rose and Jane must have asked her to come. While very welcome, since you absolutely adored Calli, it now just felt like a stab, a reminder that if Jake wasn't gone, they wouldn't have needed to call her because Jake would have known what to do. You still meant what you'd said, that it would have been easier if Jake had died. 

Calliope got out the kettle and set it on the stove, taking out a little pouch from her pocket and setting it on the counter. When the water was boiling, she poured it into a cup and dropped the pouch in and handed it to you. 

”Just breathe it in until it's ready.” She said, taking a seat next to you at the bar. 

You nodded, letting the cup warm your hands until it was almost uncomfortable. Calliope had grown up with her mother and grandmother in the bayous of Louisiana and carried with her generations of the herbal remedies that her ancestors had used. Medicine women, shamans and swamp witches were all different names that she had used to refer to her mother and grandmother, but she did so affectionately. Even when she'd moved away, she'd taken her heritage with her and she'd always bring one of her “swamp remedies” over when someone was sick. For all of the ugliness and hate that sat in her brother, she was probably the nicest, most gentle person you knew.

”So, tell me what's going on in that head of yours.” Calliope looked over your head and locked eyes with Jake, jerking her chin to shoo him out of the room. 

You shrugged noncomittally. Roxy and Jane had already probably told her what you'd said.

Calliope's sigh confirmed that. “Dirk, I know it's hard right now. I had to watch my Grandmama go through Alzeimer's. By the end of it, she couldn't even remember my name when I told her. But trust me, it wasn't easier when she died. He may not be the man you love now, but that man might come back. He might not, and that's okay too. It's normal for people to change.” 

You were silent, staring into the darkening water in your mug. Her hand shot across the table to grab yours, the dark coca colour of her fingers making yours seem washed out and faint in comparison. That was how you felt at the moment, anyway. Washed out and faint. 

”Besides, Dirk, think of what he's going through now. He doesn't know who you are, but he sees the blinding smiles you both have in the pictures where you're together. He doesn't remember me, but he sees you freaking out, because of him, and me knowing what to do to calm you down. He knows that if he remembered, he'd know how to calm you down, but he doesn't know. It hurts him because he can tell you're important to him, even if he doesn't know how, and he can't help you. He looks at you and Janey and Roxy and I and knows he's got this amazing life, with amazing friends, that he can't remember. He looks at you and sees your pain and knows that he's hurting you and there's nothing he can do about it.” Calliope's voice was hard and insistent, but soft. 

“There's a terrible guilt that comes with memory loss like that. Don't be foolish and selfish enough to think you're the only one hurting here.”

********

Eventually, Jake was able to start working his job again. Even though it had been almost a year since his accident, there were still times when you felt overwhelmed and angry that he couldn’t remember, but Calli's words from back then helped you. Now, you were mostly just happy that he'd gotten back to his job. He seemed to like it. 

You'd built up a tenative friendship with him. Bromantic movie nights in one of your rooms was a regular weekend occurrence, and you'd even tried to coerce him into sparring matches on the roof like you used to have. Your relationship with his wasn't as strong as his with the girl's was, but you knew that was your fault. You still mourned the loss of your Jake, even while you made friends with this new one. 

It was almost funny, in some ways. You'd always thought that if you ever dug up the courage to tell Jake you loved him, it would change your relationship with him somehow. And lo and behold, you'd told him, and it didn't make one difference. It had never come back up after your admission that one night. It was obvious, really, the reason it didn't matter.

Because Jake knew as well as you did that when you'd said you loved him, you had meant the Jake with all of his memories. You'd meant the goofy fourteen year old that you'd gotten high at a sleepover with, the hyperactive fifteen year old on the swim team, the idiotic sixteen year old who'd broken his arm when he tried to climb a tree in a storm, the irresponsible seventeen year old who'd forgotten to pick up his date for prom, the oblivious eighteen year old who'd worn booty shorts to the beach as a dare and accidentally given you a boner when he sat in your lap on the car ride home. 

Not the amnesiac.

********

”Kuso.” You hissed between your teeth, the habit of swearing in Japanese coming out as you narrowly missed the downward arc of the butt of Jake's pistol as he swung it at you. You ducked under his arm and his other hand came flying at your chest, forcing you into a backwards roll to avoid it. After two years of trying, you'd finally gotten Jake to spar with you again. Even if his mind didn't remember the moves, his body sure as hell did.

You still flipped and ducked and rolled circles around him, but he was as strong as you were fast. Each blow of his was like five of yours. By the end of the day, you knew you'd both be sore as hell. It was something to look forward to. Plus, he didn't remember any of his old routines, so he had to come up with all new ones, combining muscle memory with creativity. You were basically fighting a whole new person. Not a single one of his moves was the same, but that was just fine with you.

A laugh escaped your throat as you tried to grab him in a chokehold, only for him to throw you into a front roll over his shoulder. You'd finally managed to let go of that little block that held you back from him still a few months ago, and he'd quickly become your best friend again. There were still times where you'd have to stop and explain a SBaHJ reference to him, but that was okay. You'd found a way to accept what had happened, never mind that it had taken you ages to do it. 

You dropped to the ground, loose bits of gravel digging into you palms, and kicked your feet out at his, knocking him to the ground as you jacknifed back up. You slid forward, pressing a knee to his throat and grinning victoriously. He'd escaped from this hold before, but not very many times and you felt confident he would be able to throw you off.

”I win.” You grinned down at him. He mumbled something and one of his hands came up to rub at the back of his head. Your grin slid off. He might have landed funny, you probably shouldn't have done that move. Jake might not remember how to fall safely when his legs were kicked out. “Shit, did I hurt you? I'm sorry.”

His eyes looked a little glazed and he stared off into space for about twenty seconds before his gaze snapped back to you and a familiar smirk crept on his face.

He moved his hand back down to his side and lifted up his shoulder, unbalancing you from your spot on his chest. You let go and windmilled your arms, trying to regain balance, but his hand grabbed the thigh that wasn't on his chest and pulled sideways, toppling you off him and onto the asphalt. He was straddling your waist in a flash, his hands gripping your wrists. 

”I think _I_ win.” He beamed. He got off you and offered an hand to help you up. “I think it's time for dinner now, we'd better go down.” 

You quickly checked the time on your shades and nodded. “Yeah. Good match, though.”

You opened the door and started the descent down the stairs, his footsteps heavy behind you. 

”So I was thinking we could watch Avatar tonight.” He said cheerfully. 

You hesitated for a second. He'd not watched the movie even once since the accident. He didn't know it had been his favourite. “Oh?”

”I haven't seen it in ages, right? It's an atrocity! I'm missing out of good ol' Jake Sully.” 

This time you did stop, turning to look at him. There was no way he knew that, was there? As far as you knew, no one had mentioned Avatar, much less Sully to him. 

”Jake?”

He grinned at you. “I think that's the first time since we bought the house that I've beaten you at sparring.

Your eyes went wide behind the shades. He couldn't have, could he? He jumped down the last three stairs to join you on the landing and went up on his toes, slipping his arms around your shoulders.

 _”I remember.”_ He whispered in your ear.

Your hands gripped at his shoulders, keeping him pressed against you and you hid your face in his neck. “I missed you.” You murmured back.

”So, next time, apparently another good knock on the head will get my memory back, eh?” Jake joked as he let go of you. You smiled and shook your head.

”Not a chance, bro. I'm gonna make you wear a helmet everywhere from now on.”

He laughed and grabbed your hand, pulling you down the rest of the stairs. At dinner, Jake didn't mention that he had remembered, so you didn't either. Maybe he had a plan? The girls had their own movie night planned and when dinner was over, Jane and Roxy headed into Roxy's room while Jake followed you into yours. True to his word, he brought Avatar with him and demanded you watch it. As if you weren't happy enough that a Nic Cage movie would have been fine.

As the movie began, you tried to ask Jake what his plan was for telling the girls but he just shhh'ed you and pointed to the screen. When Sully and Neytiri had their kiss, he gently reached up and took your shades off you face. When you turned to look at him, he sat up and pulled you down into a kiss. It didn't last more than a few seconds, but you still stared at him when he sat back, shocked. 

”Jake?”

He shrugged, his face turned back to the movie. “Do you know how hard it was to watch you love this guy so passionately, this guy that had my face, but hate me? Even after you got over it, you'd still look at our pictures with this face like you'd die to get me back? I couldn't remember you, but it still hurt to see this beautiful, kind, smart guy pining over someone that I couldn't be. I would have given anything to remember, just to make you stop hurting.” 

He paused and laughed. “You fell in love with me because of all our shared memories and I fell in love with you because I didn't have those memories. Kinda backwards, huh?”

”...You're such a little shit.” You slung an arm around his neck and pulled him into your side. He rested his arms lightly around your middle and put his head on your chest. You watched him reach into his back pocket and pull out his phone. He flipped through to the camera and held it up, pressing his lips to your cheek and taking a picture. You turned your head towards him and kissed him on the lips. You were pretty sure you saw another flash go off as you did.

********

\-- golgothasTerror[GT] began pestering timaeusTestified[TT], tipsyGnostalgic[TG] and gutsyGumshoe[GG] at 23:46 --

[GT]: hey guys  
[GT]: guess what happened today?

\--  golgothasTerror[GT]  sent two pictures,  dirkandi.png and alsodirkandi.png at 23:47 --

[TG]: woa woa woa hold tf up there boys  
[TG]: when did this happen whts goin on [TG]: dirk?? jake?? someone explain pls

[GG]: jake i thought you forgot your pesterchum password? what's going on?

[GT]: dirk knocked me over when we were sparring today and I remembered  
[GT]: guess I just needed another good knock on the ol' noggin!

[TG]: and u didnt tell us?!? all thru dinner?!?

[TT]: It was his news to announce. He didn't say anything, so neither did I.

[TG]: FUCKIGN  
[TG]: NERDS  
[TG]: *FCKING  
[TG]: **FUCKING

\-- tipsyGnostalgic[TG] has rage-quit the conversation at 0:03 --

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh I meant this to celebrate the end of homestuck but now I'm just crying this sucks.
> 
> Anyway.  
> I might write a nsfw sequel if anyone wants me too later, so leave a comment if you'd like that. If you don't want that or don't care, still leave a comment because I am a poor child who thrives off the attention of strangers on the internet.


End file.
